[shimmeringfaerie]

Hi there,

I strongly recommend you look at this link. It's a list of questions from AA designed to determine if you do have a problem with alcohol. It might be quite eye-opening for you.

To be entirely honest, to me, it does sound like you are an alcoholic or at least are seriously heading down that path. You say that you don't crave alcohol, but now you haven't had any for a while, you are starting to want it more. You have been hospitalised and done things that you seriously regret while drinking, and yet that hasn't stopped you from having alcohol. You try to set limits to your drinking, but are unable to stick to them. These are serious red flags that do indicate that you abuse alcohol.

I know it's probably really hard to hear this. Nobody wants to be called an alcoholic. There's this terribly negative stereotype about alcoholics and no one wants to be associated with that. But the fact is that alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes and not fitting the stereotype doesn't mean that you are not an alcoholic.

No one can make you get help if you don't want to. And no one can convince you that you need help if you don't believe it yourself. But I strongly suggest that you go to some AA meetings or set up an appointment with a counsellor. These might help you realise that your drinking is a serious problem and needs to be dealt with.

I hope this helps, even though it might be confronting. And I think it's really brave for you to come here and talk about all this.