[Ambedo.]

-I miss you. I know I see you all the time, but things are so different now that you're my boss. Remember the way things used to be when I was growing up with your kids?? You used to like me then. Last night was nice. It showed me that things could still be the same . . it showed me that you won't hate me forever . . but I wish it could be like that all the time. It was nice just getting to talk with you again and I really do appreciate everything that you said to me. <3 Thank you.

-I don't want to lose you, but I feel like that's what's going to happen. What's worse is that I have no control over it. It hurts that you won't actually tell me that something's wrong. Knowing that I'm not supposed to know . . that doesn't give me a chance to say goodbye. But that's really what I need. If things are as bad as I think they are, I want the chance to say goodbye to you before you go to Heaven. I want the chance to cry and to tell me how much I love you, since I know I won't be able to cry when my parents tell me you're gone. I wish I didn't have to numb myself to it now. But that's the way it has to be because I don't want to lose it when I lose you. You've done so much for me lately and you're a beautiful person inside and out. What hurts the most though is the fact that you're pushing me away. I know why you're doing it though. I just want you to know that I love you so much and you're the most incredible person I ever could have hoped for in my life. Thank you for being someone in my family that I can look up to. Even if it's only for a short time, I truly appreciate it. But at the end of the day, I'm always praying that things aren't as bad as I think they are . . that you'll be okay . . that we'll still be able to take our trip next summer. I love you so much cousin! <3