It's perfectly fine to rant and with a lot of people, myself included, we want to get better but at the same time it's so hard to quit because it's like an addiction and as you see the number on the scale go down, you can't help but feel happy. As for the how you think that's funny, I wouldn't say it's too awful wrong in a sense, I mean I first developed my EDNOS 7 years ago, and for the next few years even I would always think, "I could never purge in anyway, it's just so gross," and yet here I am 7 years later trying to recover and for the last year now I've used laxatives as a purging method, I still think it's gross and I know it doesn't work, but it really is a hard thing to stop. I think you should talk to some people, like your parents, a doctor, maybe even a therapist. We on
TH can provide some support and encourage you to get better, but in the long run we can't provide you everything you may need like a diagnosis, or help on changing the state of mind you have on food and weight. We can surely try but in the end, it would be so beneficial to talk to a professional as well. If you ever want to talk, you can message me.