[reaching]

You guys have really given me a lot to think about. I know that premarital sex is a sin. I lost my virginity in a bad situatuion and planned on not having again after that until marriage. With my next boyfriend he told me that I had to do it with him or he'd leave me and that no one else would ever want someone like me. I guess I've just done it so many times now I feel like there's no way to fix that. Jc isn't in high school, but I know were not ready to have a baby yet. Both of us have been tested for STIs.

I'm just so afraid. I don't know if sex when you're in love is wrong, I don't know if condoms are wrong. It's not a black and white decision for me. Logically, yes I know we should use them. I just feel so guilty about my past thaat the idea of another wrong thing terrifies me. I can't repair my virtue, or stop me from being in love, but I guess I can control this.

I don't even know what to think anymore.