[Intoxicated Brutality]

I hate you for abandoning me the way you did. I understand how much you were hurting, I really do. But after everything that had happened, just two weeks before? Now I can't even go a single day without thinking about you. I miss you. The littlest things break me down. I shouldn't have to live like this.
You should still be here. You should have kept living. You should have given me the chance to be a godmother. I didn't get to answer you after you asked me, you know. I hope you know I was going to say I would, even if my parents got pissed. Fuck them, fuck what they think. I don't care.
I don't even know if I mean it when I say I hate you. I don't think its so much you, as your choice. You thinking I'd be ok. You tell me, AM I ok? Is THIS what OK feels like?
I told you the worst of my secrets because it was something you were talking about doing. You knew all my problems. You knew that I wasn't exactly ok to begin with.
Yet you waited. You waited until I was struggling, and you did it. Maybe you thought I wouldn't hurt as bad. Maybe you thought Lisa being dead would detract from the hurt I felt over losing you too.
Well it didn''t.
I didn't cry when mom told me. But I know I haven't been the same since. I don't think I can be. You did this to me. I thought you were my friend. I thought you cared. But I guess you were just playing a role, like all my other "friends", huh? You only cared when you needed me to be strong for you.
Once you made your choice, you didn't stop to think.
You know, your mom says you cared about me. That I was your best friend.

Me? I don't know what to believe anymore