[CrystalJade]

I had a crush on him because he was cute. My mind kept going to different things and I was so drunk I couldn't feel him go down on me or ne hit the floor so hard to bruise deeply. I didn't understand truly what was going on because I had no idea where I was at or who was with me. It fully hit me the next day and I keep going through the events in my head. Everyone else was running around and sounded sober. He was sober enough to get a condom and get on top of me, he would put me on top of him and I would fall over. It's like I didn't have control of my body or mind.

At one point I connected him with my ex (his voice and hair) which I know sounds weird after saying he was bigger than him. When people would walk in he would jump off of me. I don't remember every detail but I only remember some of what I heard. I know my words were extremely slurred or I was mumbling or something because he would try to repeat what I said.

I told my friend the whole story and she wonders if my friend and I were drugged. It's very possible because we had something different in our cups and we did set them down. I can remember more details about when I was sexually abused as a kid and that was over 10 years ago. I really feel he wasn't as drunk as he's trying to make it sound. Earlier when we were smoking (drugs were involved) he and his friend said "someone's getting laid tonight".

I can't talk to him because he moved a long ways away and I know he'll stick to what he's saying now. This guy chewed me out for dating someone and not giving his friend a try. I think he might be a rather controlling guy.

Oh and after my friend heard the whole story and saw my bruises she said it's rape. I just want to get help and move on. I don't want cops involved.