[Evanesco]

I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, however I think I have some form of disordered eating or ednos.

You don't want an eating disorder. What happened to me was I slipped into disordered eating habits and I hated my body. There were times when I wanted to starve myself, and I wanted to be ill, but that I think was part of the twisted way of thinking I had already slipped into. And I thought those things because I hated myself and wanted to destroy myself, not because I wanted to get skinny and thought it was a good way of doing so. I was already in the middle of whatever I'm dealing with when I thought like that. So I don't think anybody who really knows what they're in for could want an eating disorder when they are in a healthy state of mind.

The longer you leave it, the harder it is to let go of it. Recently I thought I should start eating more, and I got my boyfriend's support and I'm trying really hard, and I just can't. I can't let myself. This isn't something I can fix on my own and it certainly isn't getting easier.

Perhaps, if you tried really hard and changed the way you thought about yourself, you'd be able to get over anorexia by yourself, but you'd have to be very strong willed. And I doubt if you were that strong willed you'd have fallen into it in the first place.