[oldaccount]

I love you.
I hate you.
I miss you.
I need you.
I want to be able to talk to you.
How's that? Was that honesty enough for you? Or should I hide more of me that you find disturbing and wait for it to blow up in your fucking face again? I can't handle fighting with you, Chayce! I CAN'T DO IT. Ok, fine. I'm gonna be honest. I quit cutting for six months. February 15, 2009 - August 6, 2009. Was that fucking good enough for you? And, like yours, my family isn't perfect. I had recent issues. Going into 7th grade and epicly failing at it. Quitting cold turkey. Quitting my medicine on my own for a month. Things add up. And I know you don't care. I can picture your irritatingly perfect face, cold as stone. So I relapsed. And got caught the day before you came back. Happy? I tried my damnedest to stop. When I couldn't, I tried my damnedest to hide it. And fooled you. Guess it worked. For a while. And I never fucking told Rhiannon to tell you. I did everything I could- did I eat or sleep or find respite for my massive panic attack for those two and a half days they were torturing me with, "Tell him or I'll tell him myself?" No.- to make sure you never knew. Why? Cuz contrary to your humungously influential opinion, I CARED ABOUT YOU. I knew it would hurt you. And so I worked my ass off to make sure you didn't know. And by the way? The day you found out I started again, I carved 'HELP' on my arm. So you MEANT IT when you said you were done helping me. Fine I get it. OH. Might I inform you...


YOU'RE THE REASON I QUIT.