[Raylolo]

Hi,
Uhm, so I am a bit hungover right now...that might explain the title.
Well, ya seeee...I was drinking with a couple of my friends last night
and one of them got really sick so we had to wake my mom up. And
the other one I've always really liked (we're both females). I was
a lot less than a little too honest with her. I told her that I would
have rather been with her than my ex, because my ex was and will
never be as deserving. And that I lived my life all wrong, because
she and I could have been something.

The problem is I'm going to college in like six weeks. And then we'll be
like four hours away from each other. So, she says she doesn't like me.
But then at one point (I was so drunk this is all I heard), she said "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE!" So I think she likes me but doesn't want to, because of college.

Mind you, this is not just a girl I just met. We have been friends since I was five. About three years ago I knew she liked me but never said. And that's when my ex came along. She came along too soon, because if she hadn't, I would have been with the girl this post is about.

Plus I am on Lymictal. Yes, I know I'm not suppose to drink while on it and I haven't until now. And I have learned why I shouldn't. It made me very depressed, dizzy, and super honest.

Thing is...there's still half of a bottle of Vodka left. And I really just feel like downing it. I know it's not a good idea. I know it could lead to addiction. And that's what this post it about. How do I control the urge? My two past experiences with Alcohol have been horrible (I won't get into the other one). And I really need to NOT DRINK EVER AGAIN! I can't control myself and I think it's for fun and that the purpose is to get drunk. How can I control my urges? Perhaps I should request a substance free dorm in college? That could be a start.

I feel so horrible for everything that happened. And I have to make it up to everyone somehow, because words aren't enough. =/