[savealife723]

a;

i've told you this probably a million times now. but you just don't seem to understand and i keep getting more and more hurt that you don't understand, so this is me pretending that typing these words, will finally make you see the situation like i do.

you're my best friend, a. i love you more than i love myself. when i first met you, i never thought for a second that i would ever want to be friends with someone like you. you're addicting, and obnoxious, and rude, and you have a temper that could clear entire countries. you're stubborn, and mean, foolish. but you're also one of the most caring people i've ever met in my entire life, and that's something that i completely passed by when i first met you. i never would have imagined that you'd be so sweet and thoughtful. you're always putting others in front of yourself, and you never deny someone help or compassion. these past two years have been crazy in our friendship. but these past few months have definitely been the climax.

first of all, i want to say that i forgive you. i forgive you for taking advantage of me and using me for your own needs. i forgive the way you made me cry and put me in a vulnerable state to mess with me. i forgive you for the nights you didn't text me back or call me back like you said, and i stayed up all night wondering whether you were still alive or whether i lost my chance to say goodbye. you've lead a disaster-filled life, and i forgive you for that.

i'm hurt, a. i'm hurt because everytime i see you, i can see the impact that the substances have on you. i can see the pain that you're trying so hard to hide. i can tell the moments you want to cry, and i know just when you're about to explode, but you keep it in. you were never one to show anyone the bad side of you.. so instead, you take it out on yourself. all the times we've been together, you've always been drunk or smoking. you've always been doing something harmful to your life, and i always cry out to you trying to help you. i always try to make you stop, and help you. but it's never worked. i feel like in a way, it's my fault because there must be something i could do... the times you tell me that you feel alone, like the world is against you after everything you've offered it, it breaks my heart because i feel like the most awful best friend anyone could ever imagine having. you deserve to have someone so much better than me. you deserve love, and happines, and peace, and hope for a better future. i can't help but feel like my friendship holds you back from that sometimes.

i wish you knew that these substances aren't going to help you. i wish you could see the way i saw you, because you would never want to do anything harmful to your body again. i look up to you, and i consider you my hero. you've been put through so much, but you always turn around and give love and hope to others, and you never ask for anything in return. when i see you smoke, and drink, an unexplainable pain comes through me because i know i'm witnessing what'll probably be your reason for leaving this world. i try and i try to tell you this, but you're in so much pain that it's impossible for you to grasp that someone cares about you. but i do. i care about you so much, a, and i never want to see you hurt. if i could, i would gladly take away all your pain and put it on myself. i only wish that i could. you don't deserve it. you don't deserve what you've been put through. you are so much better than that, and i just wish you could see it.

i pray for you. all the time. every night. that you'll finally be able to see that i care about you, and that you can have someone to live for. you're my best friend, a... i don't know what i would do without you. it's not just something i say, i truly mean it... i know that i couldn't make it without you. you're not just some guy who came into my world one day. you're not just the person i turn to when i have no one else. you're the one person that i can trust with my entire life, and i love you so much. our friendship means the entire world to me..

please stop drinking. please stop with all the drugs.. it hurts me so badly to see you go through so much and then inflict pain on yourself through the substances...

let me in... let me help you, because i promise that i won't be like all the others. i promise you that i won't give up on you. i'm always going to be here. always. you're such a big part of my life, and i feel like part of me is about to end because of all the dangerous things you're doing... please stop...

i love you, best friend...
please, please, please, please, please, please, please, stop..