[Aintzane411]

To my four close friends, there is something that I desperately need to say and that you need to know. The problem is I don't know how to tell you. All I know so far is that I don't want you to treat me differently even though it will be really hard. I just want you to know so that in case you hear it from someone else, you'll have heard the truth first. I want you to know why I was in the ER. I want to warn a certain one of you to not follow in my footsteps because it was both physically and emotionally painful and I would not wish it upon anyone. I want you, my closest friends, to know that I am a cutter.

- - -

To my ex-boyfriend, I would like to let you know that I don't quite know what to do with you. I haven't talked to you since you said the word, "Goodbye," and left me standing by myself in the middle of the school campus. I don't know what I want to say to you, but I want you to know it, if that makes any sense. Part of me wants to say, "Look at this, I cut myself because you weren't there to stop me!" but that's not quite right. Another part of me says, "I forgive you, Evan, because I know it was a hard secret to keep," but I know that that's not quite true, either.

So, I don't know what I want to say to you. However, I do know that I still miss you, even though I deserve better. I still miss your smell, your touch, your kiss. I miss how you told me that you loved me in the dead of night and how you drew a butterfly on my wrist when I felt like cutting.

One day I will get over you, but I hope you realize how much pain you caused me. You have broken my heart twice now. My brain says that I shouldn't let you close enough to break me again, but my heart says that if you said jump, I would leap into your arms.

Just thought you should know.