[LastRedAppleStanding]

Mom and dad have 'just' realised that i'm stealing there vodka. I went to school pissed out of my head today.
I felt so much better, but my friends told me that i smelt of fags and alcohol. I felt so ashamed.
I'm just so lost right now.
I want to the alcohol but then another part of me is shouting at me to stop.
I'm so confused. My parents are really angry with me and i don't know what to do because they are going to start hiding the alcohol so i can't get any at all. The first thing my mind went to was 'go to the shop and ask someone to buy a bottle for you.'

Something must be wrong with me. I enjoy drinking so much, but i know deep down that i need to stop.
Thing is, i've tried. I lasted three fucking days without any kind of alcohol. And by then i wanted to die.
I've had probably, half a bottle of moms vodka today and i didn't even realise it.

I think i'm going to go to Alcohol Anonymous meeting in town but i'm so fucking scared. I mean, i'm 15. Do you really think they'll let me in? Aren't i to young.

I've been ok for ages but all of a sudden i keep crying and i cut again for the first time in months last night. I'm just so freaked out that i wont be able to have any vodka. I know i'm gonna do something stupid to get some, because i just can't go without it.

Wtf do i do? I'm so scared