[*Rainbow*Rider*]

I looked at those photos. The photos of that perfect day.

Its been three years. Three fucking years. what happens in three years? Everything. Everything breaks and smashes and tumbles to the ground. Its like God picked up our perfect world in a rage and threw us at a wall. We where so fucking beautiful.

Why couldn't you think of anything to say to me? WHY? You texted him telling him you didnt know what to say to me, in fear of getting emotional and upset. Its you and me, you and me, just a fucking smiley face or a kiss. We shouldnt feel awkward. You've made this awkward. I keep thinking over and over...what if you die in America? What if you die and I can't get to you? What if our last words are 'have fun'?! I can't cope with that. I cannot cope with this. I act strong. I am not strong. I don't even need you here. I just need you.

Please phone me soon,or text, or email, or whatever.
I love you mum