[missmolly]

I feel so much more suicidal then i normally do.. I am cutting more than i used to.. i dont know whats wrong with me..

I know it sounds pathetic, but i am just so ready to go... My self harm is becoming out of control... I cut so bad a few weeks ago that i had to give myself stitches.. I really want to feel better, but at the same time i dont want to have to actually get better, i like cutting, it makes me feel so much better, but i dont want the scars and i know it is wrong..

Is it normal to go through stages where you are cutting a lot?

I dont know what to do anymore, i am so upset all the time, i cant even remember when i last felt truly happy, which means that it must have been quite awhile ago.. i want to die and i am ready to die, or at least i think i am.. but other people arent ready to let me go, i know its selfish to kill yourself, but for once i just wish i could be selfish and just do it, but im kinda scared that it wont work properly and that someone will find me alive and then i will be in even more shit now and probably get even more depressed...

I even have a plan of how to do it, a few plans actually... I know its wrong and i know i shouldnt have made them but i couldnt stop myself, when i lie in bed at night and im alone thats all i can think of.. I even wrote some suicide notes...

I just dont know what to do.. is it normal to go through a phase where you are so suicidal and cutting so much??