[Marguerite]

This is likely to get some angry responses, and I mean no disrespect to anyone who has been through some form of sexual assault/abuse. I have not been sexually assaulted myself and cannot begin to imagine what you've gone through. If you are going to find this triggering then look away.

When someone is asking for help about something horrible that happened to them, it's not the best place for a debate. But I often see posts like this in the rape and abuse section and usually I don't say anything. I thought I'd bring it here.

The question: Can it really be considered 'rape' if someone freezes and can't say anything/ is scared and goes along with it?

The typical scenarios:

"I was with a guy I know and he put his hand on my leg. I was so shocked I didn't do anything. I froze. I was just preying it would be over."

"I was with a friend and he asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said no, but he told me I'd like it. I told him no again, but he kept asking. Eventually I just gave in and said yes."

"Me and my ex were hanging out when he started kissing me. I was scared of what would happen if I tried to leave so I just went along with it."


Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying being in any one of those situations wouldn't be awful. It's just that everyone seems to agree that those cases are rape, and it's worrying that a guys life could be destroyed because basically he couldn't read someone's mind.

A lot of the 'afraid to leave' stuff seems to be irrational (I'm sure I'd be irrational in that situation too, don't get me wrong). It's not that the guy has a knife, a history of violence, is trying to physically restrain her or anything like that, she just doesn't try and kind of assumes.

I wonder how these situations would play out if the genders were reversed. They would probably be laughed off the forum.

Obviously the variables are going to change in each situation, but I'm specifically talking about scenarios that
a) don't involve a weapon
b) he hasn't made a threat to harm her
c) she hasn't said 'no' or 'stop'
d) she hasn't tried to leave and
e) she hasn't tried to push him off of her or physically stop him from touching her.

I think my personal opinion is pretty clear: Of course I don't.
But I'd like to hear what everyone thinks.