First alcohol will act as somewhat of an "upper" at low concentrations although this can increase depending on the social situation, your current mood and experience with it. After that, it acts as a "downer". Getting "drunk" usually means having enough alcohol so it's acting as a "downer".
There's no answer as to the shape you'll be in, it depends on how much you take. There are some other variables although presuming you're healthy, not on medications and in part, your ethnicity (i.e. some polymorphisms are at a greater frequency in certain races such as North-Eastern Asians).
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/1...3.004/abstract
As for how much to take, if you don't want to be drunk with no hangover, take no alcohol or as little as possible. If you want to be shit-faced, kick back the bottles.
In general, it will be detectable on you because it has a distinctive smell and can impair your cognitive-motor functioning.
If you want to eat/drink anything that may help, take a meal with fatty foods with protein before drinking (i.e. pub food), water while/before drinking, sports juice before/after drinking and eggs after drinking. Reasons are it can quickly restore the vitamins and nutrients lost from alcohol and fatty foods slow down absorption. Bread would be effectively useless. Your friends who told you that are uneducated on the useless myths as the myth is burnt bread, although still is useless. Chewing bread may be tasty but that does nothing.