[chell-see]

urm, i dont really know if this is the right place i should be putting this, should it be in the suicide section?
anyway, life has been shit, i have tried to kill myslef 13 times..never worked, obviously... but i hear these voices in my head, and i see people. i am working with about 6 different "proffessionals", but none of them seem to help, and when i tell them how real the voices are, they don't believe me... they tell me its just my mind playing tricks on me, and they don't understand. these voices tell me to do things, and i cut, and im loosing weight rapidly. i feel like iv lost myself, and i dont even know who i really am anymore. i feel down all the time, and iv lost nearly all my emotions... im either full of hatred for everyone and everything, or im so fucking depressed that i want to die.
my mother took me to the doctors, and i could tell the doctor thought i was a complete fruitloop.... anyway, when she suggested medication, i actually got up and ran out the surgery, i know it sounds stupid, but im scared of pills and medicine, i dont want to have to take them, i want to be like everyone else: normal, not crazy, and not on medication. i ran outside and sat on the floor and creid, the doctor came out, and i could tell she was thinking i must be completely mad, and she said she was going to put me on some medication. i refused to take them though....
do you think mabey i should be taking them?