|
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
February 24th 2011, 01:34 AM
Every time I've cried in the past few weeks, it's been because of you. I don't ever cry, I never show pain or weakness. You don't know that. Stop telling me that you know who I am, because I swear to God that you don't! You have no idea of how a razor blade brings me relief, or how I long to be perfect, so I'm willing to give up everything. You don't understand why I was so close to tears when your friend made a joke about how instead of you, him, and I going to the movies, he should get a girl so it we could double date and not leave him out. I love you, you don't understand why I can't do this to myself. I can put myself through hell for my best friend, for my family, for you. I can't let myself do this shit to myself again, not again. I can't. But you aren't helping. I don't know what you want me to tell you! I love you? Alex, I need you? Stay out of my fucken life and let me die? Do you know that I'm crying right now? Do you know that I got dressed up yesterday so I wouldn't look like a slob when I was talking to you? Do you know that I am now so much more of a girly girl just because I met you and I want to be the girl of your dreams? I'm thirteen, I'm fucken too young for this. I don't want to feel this about you, I fucken hate you! Why do you make me feel this way? Why am I crying? Why do I even let myself care? Everything would be better for me if you just left. We're going to different high schools next year. We're going to rival high schools. You don't have a facebook, I'll delete mine if you get one. You're not getting my phone number, if you do, I'll turn mine off and never look at it again. It's not that I don't want you in my life, I want you more then anything else. I want to hold you, I want you to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I want to have you in my life forever. But I don't want to ruin yours. And if you let me in any more then I already am, that's all the would happen. I'm doing both of us a favor, I'm sorry that it's killing me, I'm sorry that you've been foolish enough to befriend me in the first place.
|