so for a long time now ive been starving myself. but i didnt really think it was an eating disorder. i did it more for self harm purposes with losing weight as like a perk i guess. but now im starting to obsess more and more with my weight and not eating. and its gotten to the point that i CANT eat. at lunch at school, i look around at people eating and i cant comprehend how they can just eat without looking at the calories and feeling horrible after they eat. i cant make myself eat without crying afterwords. i never thought this could happen to me.
my best friend is starting to catch on to whats happening. she said shes worried about me and at lunch she does things like say she wont let me hang out today if i dont eat this sandwich that shes waving in my face. i cant make myself eat and i cant handle how she makes me feel guilty for it. so i yell at her and storm off. im afraid i might lose my best friend because of this.
i know i need help. ive thought of bringing it up with my therapist but i know she would tell my mom about it. i couldnt handle that! i dont know what to do. it seems like this problem got so out of controle so fast
