I feel like I've actually been making progress with regards to the mental and emotional realms of my existence, which is really quite amazing and interesting - but I can't for the life of me, acknowledge my body in the form that it's in. Even the thought of doing so is repulsive.
But I don't think this is necessarily healthy for me. It's going to be a very long way to go before I can look at myself naked without a crippling amount of disgust and hatred - I'm trying to believe in at least that possibility, but at any rate that mental shift won't be able to happen for some time.
I miss the days when I was blissfully (un)aware of gender as nothing more than a classification of biology, which was nothing more than, well, something that comes up in biology class, which somehow always gets everyone giggling for no reason... and that was it.
I'm tired of slouching constantly because binders never seem to work perfectly. Tired of binding for long hours, being all frustrated with the results,
and ending up with chest pains afterwards. I'm also tired of being obsessive over how well I 'pass', and the anxiety that brings me socially. I'm just tired of being obsessive in general. I'm tired of dreading every shower I take. Tired of being forced into a state of denial despite knowing that it can be very harmful in the long run. And, well, I could go on and on.
Anyway, does anyone have suggestions to offer, on small ways to make everyday life a little less blatantly traumatizing? Besides medical intervention and denial. Google search didn't turn up anything useful, so I thought I might as well ask here.
Thanks so much.
