[amystery]

I'm scared to be alone this weekend that is why Im coming home.
Part of why I don't try is because I'm scared of trying and failing.
Sometimes you are too much for me but I can't bring myself to leave and live the way I use to.

You deserve better and I'm worried Ill never be the person I want to be for you. This issue w. Travis and Shawn keeps getting between us. I'm worried we won't be able to get past it. You keep saying its not a big deal but it keeps coming up and I know it bothers you. I hate being this person. How long can we be this far apart? I'm not even sure its just physical distance...=/

Now that you are single again I think things will be even more awkward between us. Why couldn't you just have been a total dick to me when I asked what happened with us? For whatever reason I can't hate you and as much as I want to think you acted like a dick I can't accept that that's the person you are. I feel like a charity case and I'll always wonder if he hadn't messaged you if you'd have messaged me etc.

I wish we had started off as friends first.

I've been hurting myself. You know I've hurt myself before but you don't know about this weekend. You're my best friend but I can't tell you this. I'm sorry I'm so fake happy but Im glad you don't see the me I've been lately. It scares me to see the person Im becoming and I can't let you see.