[bitesize]

I dreamt last night that you broke up with me. You told me it was something like..my luas stop was too far away and so it was too hard to see me, or something, but I had a feeling there was a bigger reason, and it confused me, because we had seemed so happy the day before. It made me feel awful anyway and I couldn't get to grips with the fact that you actually didn't want want to be in a relationship with me.
Then I woke up in the middle of the night and felt better because it had just been a dream, but when I went back to sleep I had a sort of continuation of the same dream, and I realised the sleepworld was real and we had actually broken up after all. The hurt was excruciating. I didn't know it would hurt me that much to be left by you. Like it really felt horrible.

Then after I had woken up again in the morning I went back to sleep again and this time I dreamt we were coming back from Irish college where we'd spent three weeks basically seeing each other, and I thought you'd been monogamous, although I was kissing a slightly older woman most of the way home on the bus. I tried to find you to say goodbye in all the mess of people getting off the buses, but I couldn't find you. I went to find my friend Paul, who stayed in your house, and he told me people had seen you talking to a girl called Bridget or something..I thought nothing of it until he started acting weird and I finaly got out of him that you'd been seeing other people behind my back. Probably sleeping with one or two. He'd had to give you advice over three different girls. This pissed me off because I thought he was my friend too. It also hurt a lot, although this time I tried to pretend it didn't.

The two dreams reminded me of real-life scenarios with two of my exes. One I'd been with for a long time and although I knew I should break up with him I thought he was happy, until one morning he suddenly told me it wasn't working and by that evening we'd broken up, and even though I kew it was the right thing it hurt a lot to realise that he wanted to break up with me.
The other was a few years ago when I was seeing someone I really liked only to discover he'd been seeing at least two other girls behind my back, which hurt a lot as well because he'd been going out of his way to lie to me.

Why...?? Why were these things in my head..?? Why dd you come into them?? It scared me so much to think that I could feel so, so awful if you hurt me. It's opened my eyes to how much I care about you, but it scares me. And now I feel kinda of annoyed at you and kind of betrayed by you, even though they were just dreams. :/