My best friend of 7 years, has been my boyrfriend for 2 years and 8 months, and my fiance for 1 year and 9 months.
I love him more than i could ever explain.
I do not know why i love him.
He has abused me for the last year.
Cheated on me.
For the last few months I never see him, as his freinds are more important.
uses me for sex.
has no job.
has bought me one present in our entire relationship.
no engagement ring.
yet when he is nice. HE IS AMAZING AND InDESCRIBABLE.
I adore him.
I hate him.
I love him.
I envy him.
I want him dead.
I want the best for him.
I am confused.
I am lonely without him.
I am lonely with him.
I cant leave him, even if i wanted to.
i love him and only him.
i miss him right now.
i think i like someone else.
because of how much i hate him.
and because i want him to feel the pain i have felt.
i want to cheat on him so bad.
to make him hurt.
but im too selfless to hurt him like that.
i want my
ED to come back. so i have something to take my mind off things.
i want him to stop beating the fuck out of me.
i want him to care like he used to.
I WANT HIM BACK!
suicide isnt my only option right now.
so util it becomes my onnly option.
i will remain hurt.
and lost.
i believe in God.
and i believe He will fix this situation.
I pray that only His will be done right now.
i still hate everything i am.
yet ive lost weight.
gained flawless skin.
a great job.
but still have no freinds.
rarely see my family.
and am being controlled by the monster i love.
i know he loves me with everything he has.
I pray he gets the help he desperatly needs.