[amystery]

I miss you. You gave me hope when I had lost almost all hope. You made things melt away.

I believed you and I trusted you and you made me lose all that hope you'd returned to me. Sometimes I wish she'd make you as miserable as you made me feel...but then I realize that I would never wish that on you...on anyone.

My boyfriend and I make bets on your unreliable nature. I'm usually the one betting against you and he bets in your favor. He doesnt know you as well as your best friend knows you. He usually loses.

Part of me wishes I'd fail...hit rock bottom...maybe someone would be there to help me back up. Then things could only get better.

I always say I hate birthday and I hate presents. I somewhat protested to going out to the bars for my 19th birthday and having you come here...I wish I hadn't. I only protested because I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. Plus...sometimes we protest and run to see who cares enough to do so anyways or follow us..I guess what Im saying is secretly I'd have loved it.

I'm terrified of losing you...but if I ever do...I hope its you leaving and not me.

I'm jealous of you because you went after the things you wanted in life and didn't care waht people would think. It might not have turned out ideally but life is never easy and you seem to have the life I could only ever dream of.

All these years later I still miss you Grandpa. Maybe I'm just full of emotion but I still cry about missing you after all these years. I often wonder if it'll ever go away...

When i hurt myself I cry because I know how much it'd hurt you to know that. I always hope you're looking down on me but times like that I hope you're busy playing canasta or uno with someone and miss those moments.

I'm a better actrice than any of you realize. Im just getting sick of being so good at acting.