[bitesize]

I'm angry at you. Angry because you just don't seem to respect me. It's ludicrous that we never got to meet up this summer because every time we made plans you cancelled at the last minute. We had four months and a million oppurtunities and you never made the time to see me. I'm angry because even when we meet up in college you never pay me your full attention and it feels like you wouldn't miss me if I wasn't there. I have nothing against Fiona or you asking her to come and have lunch with us that time, she's lovely, but it was supposed to just be the two of us, and it's hurtful that you didn't seem to want to make it that way. Especially because college is agonisingly lonely for me these days, agonisingly. The amount of work and study I haven't been getting done is down to the fact that I just feel depressed at how lonely every day is, and how humiliating that is, too much so to talk to anyone about it.
I'm angry because you always say 'oh come to this ession or that session, I can't wait to see you' and you don't really make any time to talk to me there. If you were a boyfriend I would have broken up with you by now, and I can't believe I'm saying that to the person that was my best friend for eight years through primary school and still a good friend since then.
Are you angry because I got into psychology and you didn't?? Who gives a fuck?? You're friends with everyone in your course, you always ahve people to see at lunchtimes and sit with in class. I'm not in that place in psychology because they all made their groups in first year and just aren't overly willing to include new people, espoecially Arts students. A minor isn't gonig to get me anywhere anyway.
Is it because I just don't interest you enough?? That's what I'm scared of and it hurts me and makes me feel sad that I like spending time with you so much and you mightn't with me. You seem to prioritise spending time with other people. A bit of sekfishness is an understandable quality, I have it myself, but I miss you, the you you used to be, and I miss us, and I wish you could make more time for me or be as pleased to see me as I am you.



Either way, fuck it. I'm not going to go out of my way to make plans to see you any more. I'm not going to get my hopes up when you ask me to meet up for lunch and chats, because they'll only be shot down. I'm not gonig to make an effort any more if you're not. And if you knew how lonely my life was right now, how painfully horribly excruciatingly lonely, you'd understand how much it takes for me to be thinking this.