[bitesize]

Is it really really selfish of me for hoping I do better than you in my exams??

^^That's rhetorical.

It's really stupid, and I'm ashamed of myself. I'll just feel that if you get really good grades and I don't, I'll have let myself down hugely. Even though you're doing a whole different course to me, and your exams are worth less than mine. It just annoys me when I see you putting so much effort into this ~ you're taking days off college just to study for your midterm exams which are like...fifteen percent and they're not even going towards your degree. You don't even have to start stressing til next year. This year is when things start mattering for me.
I'm just jealous I think. I didn't even know you in sixth year, but the fact that you got almost full marks on the Leaving and I got 420 makes me feel inferior, or something. Even though I know I didn't do a lot of work and concentrated on my social life and not being depressed and acting and my first serioues relationship and you put your head down because you had a goal, and I didn't......I just feel like I need to rpove something. To you. To myself. I know I'm a perfectionist and that I'll never do well enough. I just know that if you get higher grades than me in your fifteen percent exams that don't even matter in the long run than I do in my 20 and 50 percent exams that go towards my degree, I'll be crushed.