[bitesize]

I feel a bit low that you're not coming tonight, but when I think about it, I don't even particularly want you there. It's not that I don't want you there, I think it's just that I'm not reallytoo excited about going myself..maybe?? I think it's more that you were up for comnig and then changed your mind ~ what changed your mind?? Maybe you're just tired or maybe you need to study or maybe you want to hang out with your own friends instead or maybe you want a little space from me after seeing me that last two nights or maybe you don't feel like drinking but don't want to come along and not drink, especially if you're not yet 100% comfortable around my friends or maybe you want to save money or maybe you're not really up for hanging out with people you don't know very well ~ all of those are completely fine, but when you don't give a reason for deciding not to go my mind goes into overdrive and I worry that you're somehow pissed off at me or tired of me or maybe you don't like my friends or maybe you think you'll be bored... Especially because there was a chance that we'd be able to get a bed (honestly, we probably wouldn't have, but you didn't know that) and you still declined. I'm not even that pushed to go myself ~ I would just stay in, but it'd be bit scabby of me. I hate these irrational crazy obsessive-girlfriend thoughts but especially because I've been low recently the tiniest little thing will get me down. Honestly, I think I even prefer it that you're not going ~ that way I can just come and go when I please, not have to put too much effort into my appearance and not feel guilty if it doesn't turn out to be the most entertaining of evenings ~ what's annoyingly bothering me is the fact that you didn't tell em why you decided not to go.