Your tattoo artist will give you an aftercare sheet telling you all the things you need to do to take care of it! To make it more feminine just talk to your tattoo artist and give them an idea of what you would like done with it and they can definitely sketch something up for you!
As for how much it will hurt, I've heard different things about the neck. The back of the neck where you're getting it will hurt a little bit over your spine but it shouldn't be too bad.
What I do after a tattoo to take care of it, is I shower an hour or two after it's done like they recommend but I don't put any lotion on it until the next day. I usually use baby aquaphor. Ever since I started using that, my tattoos have healed up brighter and faster.
