[dejaentendu0]

Yesterday, I went to a doctor because I was having stomach/abdominal pain that was really hurting me a night. The appointment ended with her pulling me out of my room and informing me that I am pregnant.

My parents aren't aware yet. I figure I have to tell my mother soon, but I'm I honest to god TERRIFIED of this. I can't change the situation I'm in and I know that, but I've seen my parents reaction to pregnancy at an early age before with my sisters. And we have a lot of other problems going on right now, so I feel like I'm just adding to it... Especially since my mother joked about me being pregnant and how that would be the WORST thing that could happen to us. It was said at a bad time, I guess, because here I am.

So far, the only people that know are my two best friends and my (currently) ex-boyfriend who is the father. Once I tell my mother, that's all I'm keeping it at as I'm young and I don't care for everyone to be talking about me... The father found out without me actually there to tell him, so I don't exactly know his feelings on this yet. But I'm seeing him on Tuesday to discuss this.

I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow to see how far along I actually am. I've been on Yaz for quite awhile, so this is a surprise to me and him and I don't know when I conceived since I took my birth control religiously at the same time every day.

I have a lot to think about though. There's keeping the baby... Which means I end up with him/her and not leave empty handed - which I think will break my heart. However I'm 16 and he's only 20. I currently have no job and his job isn't enough to care for a baby. There's doctors appointments and cribs and diapers, etc... That's expensive. And at the end of the day, me and the father are currently not together, so I'll be a single mother. So I'm thinking that's not an option for me.

And then there's abortion. I don't have to carry my baby for nine months and I hear it's relatively quick to do. On top of that, the place where I'm going to get my ultrasound tomorrow (they're very stern on trying to convince you to keep your baby) offers free post-abortion support and therapy - which I think would be nice to take to accept what happened. However, I'd first need to find out how far along I am. The only abortion form I'm okay with is the pill abortion. Which you can do up to nine weeks. I'd also have to see if I CAN take it, as I'm extremely sensitive to hormones. There's also a problem that it costs money... I have no job and no income. My friend says hers was $100-$150 and I'm pretty sure she'll help me pay for it, but still... money is an issue.

And then there's adoption. Carrying the baby for nine months. Going into labor. Going through all that pain. And leaving empty handed. That's a downside. I'd also always worry that my baby isn't being taken care of properly or I picked the wrong home - I'd be so picky about it and then still worry about it after I chose a family. But I'm pretty sure the adoptive family pays for the medical expenses? Or maybe that's just what I heard. My biggest problem with this will just be letting my baby go. I'm not sure I could do it..

But I'm lacking in support and my mind is going crazy. I never thought I'd be in this situation at the age of 16. I was on birth control to prevent this, but I'm pregnant and I can't go back... I can only go forward.
I just need support and advice.
I'm lost. I have no clue what to do. I feel like I'm doing this myself.