[onlyfoolingmyself]

okay, so i have this big problem since 1 year one and i really feel that i can't take it anymore.
my best friend had a boyfriend, they broke up and suddenly she didn't talk to me. At first I thought this is only because she broke up with him. But after some weeks she still didn't talk to me. I asked my other friends what was wrong with her but no one could answer me. I felt like losing a friend again.
Then, around easter, I went to England with some other classmates (school exchange). She was allowed to so my best friend was so jealous! She ignored me after I came back. For months. When I tried to talk to her she just went with her new best friend.
Every night I lay awake and cried and cried and cried. I heard depressed songs but I was still optimistic! I really thought she would come to me and apologize for her behavior. Guess what? She didn't.
After some time, I was so sad and angry at myself. Maybe I did something to her? I wanted to know so I just called her.
I told her everything and she was like: oh yeah, i am so sorry! i don't know why i did this but i promise everything will be okay! our friendship is so strong...blah..blah..blah.
I belived her.
Stupid me.
It didn't get better. She ignored me again. After school I went to her and asked her again why she is doing this. Her answer was: I am not ignoring you.
Right. I am just invisible for you.
And now, she just hangs out with 'the cool ones' and her new best friend. she drinks beer now, put a lot of make up in her face (just like her new bf) and so on.. I know, people change but how can she do this to me? I am not a puppet which you can throw away. One week ago I talked to her again. She told me: You are the nicest person in the world and you are a true friend! I never want to lose you!
Oh yeah. Right. And I am freaking rich and famous.
Every time I see her I want to scream to her face: Are you freaking kidding me?
But unfortunately I am soooo optimistic that I still believe she will finally see how much she hurts me.
I can't even tell she's my friend and she is lying to me.. argh!
My other friends noticed that and feel pity for me.
Now I don't really know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose another friend (yep, that makes 4 including her).