i try so hard not to cut but the urges are just soo strong. especially in the last couple of weeks, alot of crap has been going on and the only way i can deal with it is by cutting. lastnight i was really pissed off and emotional and just in a total state and i knew that the only way i would feel better was by cutting, i tried not to, i avoided going to my bedroom coz i knew that if i went there i wud definately cut so i went out into the street, played hide n seek wiv me little brother, listened to music, i came bak in at half 8, i even washed ma hair to kill time but sill that horrible feeling was there. it was like a voice in my head saying 'cut, cut cut' and in the end i knew i wud have to do it. i went to my room about half 11 and then i just cut myself with a blade. i cu once and watched the blood come out, i cut again and watched the blood come out and then i cut again and again and again. i got the satisfaction i needed once i saw the blood and then i felt better... i reallly really want to stop doing it but i can't. i hate scars that stay for months after, i wish they could just disappear..
there's something else i tend to do when im cutting, i do certain number of cuts. is dis normal?? i tend to do 8 cuts most of the time, or groups of four.. does anybody else do this or is it just me??