[Lotus Eater]

Firstly, I promise to find a way to teach you a lesson someday. I am not particularly looking forward to teaching you all that lesson, but it is the only way I am going to be able to open doors for the others. I've been dropping so many hints - all the warning signs are there. I refuse to believe that you're simply ignorant. I think you know more than you let on, but you're just afraid of the truth, so you choose to ignore it and act as though everything's okay in the hope that it will, sooner or later, be. But life doesn't work this way. And I'm too far gone in any case.

Then of course, I have to think about him. I am surprised that I still care about him after all this time. After everything that's happened. I am more surprised, however, that they believed my lies when I claimed to be over him. You don't spend two years caring about someone only to get over them in a matter of months. It's not possible. And, if it is, they probably didn't matter too much to begin with. I tried to harden up, I really did. I tried to hate him and to feel nothing when he looked my way. But watching him with her has changed everything. There's nothing of the sort happening between them as yet, but he was never this way with me. It's as though I'm some sort of loser who is unworthy of his time. A waste of space. He doesn't spare me a second glance. He engages in jolly conversations with my friends but looks right through me. I don't know why he's doing it, but I don't need this right now.

I just want to be his friend.