[reflection_of_who]

So you've not self harmed for 2 months and a week and basically you want to shove it all and relapse back into old habits. Would it help maybe to think of the bigger picture..that self harm is an addiction and the will to not cut has to come from you. No amount of help will really stop you cutting yourself, that bit has to come from you. So you continue to cut for example and eventually you go to hospital, get stitches, hit an artery..if this happens then either a) you'll die which is so so unlikely b) you'll damage yourself a bit and paralyse yourself (for example severe nerve damage)...now you're in a worse position, not only are you miserable but you're paralysed too! c) you'll be okay. They stitch you up and you're fine. You get assessed by some health team, they'll probably send you home..and you keep doing it nothing will come of it, eventually the health team will probably stop visiting. They'll just keep stitching you back up and sending you home...and eventually you'll probably realise that there's not that much anyones going to do to help you. There's no point to keep doing it, the help you want probably won't come given crap mental health services...long story short...at some point you'll realise that you have to get better. You'll realise that you probably can't die...and so would you rather live and give yourself the best chance at being happy..or will you keep cutting and live with some sort of damage.
At some point you kind of have to get better...whether its now or later...so now that you've made a start, doing your 2 months and one week another time will be just as lame. So carry on.
Aim to stop listening to the crap record that's on repeat in your head and try and be mindful. (maybe google mindfulness) so when you're out look at opportunities around you, take them up. Give yourself a chance at being happy. When you're walking around look at the trees, when you're washing the dishes concentrate on the soapy water...write lists of things you're going to do. Make arrangements that are incompatible with your old habits..eventually new habits will form even though it's hard. You didn't become an avid self harmer over night..it'll take a while to get out of it. I know this post is really wishy washy..but I can relate in some ways...and these are a few bits and pieces that helped me. Look after yourself, cos everyones pretty selfish and nobody will do it for you. x