[Cookie.prose17]

Subject: Hi. I'm sorry to be doing this, again...

Message: I know you told me not to, but that was kind of my last shot...and I wanted to make it count. Since you replied back, I've been thinking even more about this.

I know it must irritate you to hear what I have to say sometimes. Being dreamy, optimistic, and kind of out of touch with reality is just a part of my personality, and I'll keep it at bay as best as I can while I'm speaking with you.

It was wrong of me to be so indirect, without really getting to the point, and I'm sorry if I was unclear, or if I confused you. I know you don't have time to waste on my nonsense, so I'll leave that out of this.

Please don't get me wrong, and please don't be angry with me. The reason that I contacted you that day is because I had reached a point where you weren't even in my thoughts anymore. I was feeling nostalgic that day, and I thought that I would give it one last go--that I would say what I needed to, to you.

Instead, I beat around the bush, not really making my point, out of fear that you would be upset with me.

What I was really trying to say that time, was that I really, honestly believe that despite everything, we could work it out. And as I've expressed to you before, I feel terrible about my behavior. I miss our high school from time to time. I miss the days when we were friends. Of course I'm not trying to bring those days back--that's not possible at this point, and a lot has happened over the past three years.

What I do think is possible, is two old friends patching things up peacefully, talking out what would need to be done for us to be friends again, or just fixing things out of respect for our past friendship. Whether that means ending it collaboratively (not just you saying, "Stop emailing me", cutting me out of the picture, and getting on--really coming to a mutual agreement like two adults.), or mending it collaboratively.

We were friends for four years. And it didn't have to end that way. A lot of things have lead us to where we are now. I'm grateful for the experiences, despite the pain--they've molded me into a pretty interesting person, with good qualities. I'm grateful for the experience of being your friend, and even to this day, I'm glad that I met you.

Last November (Nov. 2009), you told me that you still cared about me... Honestly, after that huge incident happened the year before, I didn't think any of you even gave me a second thought, and so I convinced myself of that, to ease my pain, and to keep me from chasing after any of you again. All of you proved me wrong, at some point. (Except for Sara, bless her heart.)

I haven't been able to get you out of my head, since. I've really come to realize just how wrong I was.

So you have to understand, that what I'm telling you right now, and what I'm feeling--it hasn't been a year, give or take a month, for me. This has nothing to do with what happened, then. I'm over the old days.

However, that doesn't mean I don't remember them, or treasure them, for what they were then, and for what they gave me.

I truly feel as if two respectable people such as ourselves can end this maturely. A few cruel words can't end a friendship, like an honest conversation can.

I hope that we can finish what we started.

-Emily

"I told you to leave, but you lied to me when you said that: Baby, no worries, I promise to get us back. [And] I keep climbing and hoping things would change. Then the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away, it's like moving mountains..."--Usher