[iDream]

I'm keeping things from you, and I hate it. But if I tell you, you wont believe me. I'm a lot different than I make myself out to be, I thought you'd notice this by now; it's been a year after all.
I'm happiest when I'm kissing you, even though I know it means nothing in the sense that I want it to. I don't mind. But I feel horrible. There's something eating away at you on the inside. I can tell. And I don't know how to go about it. I saw this as an opportunity. I made it a goal to get you to kiss me again. It worked. You say you're afraid of hurting me. You said you don't want to take advantage of my fondness to you to get with me. You don't want to use me. But I'm using you. I hate saying it like that; it makes me feel awful, but I am! I try to justify my actions by telling myself it's all for you, to make you feel better, to get your mind off of whatever it is that's bothering you, but I'm just kidding myself.
I like you. A lot. And I want what's best for you. I really do. I want you to get out of this rut and be happy again! I don't want to worry about you drinking yourself into a stupor and doing something stupid. I'm your friend, I want to help you!
Yet there's a part of me that doesn't want you to come to your senses. I hate myself for even thinking that. You tell me I deserve better, but really it's you who deserves better.

...I post in this thread too much for my own good.