Hey, first I am going to say you are actualy not allowed to post weight numbers or dress sizes on your posts, these can be extremely triggering. Can you edit your post please, or a moderator will do it for you...I can see you are new, but it does say this in the rules
It does sound like you have some form of disordered eating, i mean, yea its not full-blown anorexia, but now is the best time to get it sorted out!!! You should try and talk to someone, so that you can stop these thoughts, and get on with life. I am sure you are really beautiful and do not need to lose any weight!