[.KillCasino.]

Looking out of my window...looking out beyond the fields I can see the sun beginning to creep closer and closer. The sun is like my natural anti-depressant. As soon as it comes, everything seems brighter, everything seems hopeful. Winter is the worst part, its dark, dull and makes my depressive state so much worse. Still, Spring is on the way, I can feel it...

There's not really much I want to say, but so much I need to say, its unreal. So its like 11.40am, and i'm sat here like a loon, just typing and listening to his song, for the millionth time...its unhealthy, I swear. Anyway, yeah...so he came back last night, at like 1am. He appeared on the end of my bed, though he looked different to usual...he was angry with me. He called me a failure, he said I wouldn't amount to anything. He got closer and he scared me...then he was gone. It hurt, now even he had turned against me...

In times like this, I think I need a holiday although I have to admit that I hate holidays. I hate leaving my house, I can't relax on a holiday, I feel out of my safezone...hmm, but I could do with one of the camping holidays right now. I hate camping, but lately i'm warming to the idea because of the simplicity and the peace. I like the way its so peaceful, so calming, and its right by the beach so I can just chill out...thats what I need to do right now, chill out...

Hmm...life, who'd have one, eh? Who'd want to actually continue living. I was a mistake, I'm sure of it. Both my mum and dad have told me how much they hate me, and wish that i'd never been born. My stepdad hates me with a passion. I have no other family really...hmm, i'm rambling, I know I am...

I'll shhh now..