[.KillCasino.]

Okay, so there's no point crying over spilt milk, right? Well, what if that milk was replaced by something much nicer, like...umm...hot chocolate?

So I took a little trip to these gardens near my house. I sat there for a few hours, just thinking. Its been three months today. Three months today since he left me and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier. It like he's only just left, the grief is still raw and my senses are kinda numb. Hmm, I think the thinking did a lot of good though, I mean, its weird. I feel so happy, I feel like I'm on top of the world. Some old lady walked through the garden and looked at me as if I was a criminal about to graffitti my name all over or something, pfft...lol. Anyway, I had the last laugh when she tripped when she was glaring at me. She soon shot off :]

I sat there a bit longer. I was thinking about all the events that have happened in my life, and one by one i tried to erase them from my mind. Its like I managed to fall into a trance and nothing seemed to matter. I tried to erase all of the memories, the violence, the bullying, the deaths, everything. As I sat there I kinda realised how beautiful the world is. I watch things change within those few hours, I saw the rain come and go, the sun shine on through the trees, I saw the few snowflakes fall around me...it only lasted a few seconds but it was beautiful. I haven't seen snow in a while, only the rain...it was a good change :]

It got to dinner so I decided that maybe I should get to college before I was late. Lessons were average, but I was content, unlike the guy next to me who was falling apart. I know about his problems, but i'd never seen him this bad and although I wanted to help, he wouldn't let me so I figured he just wanted to be left alone. I got my 1000 free texts today, which made me happy :] However, I had a twilight lesson (after college hours) which sucked, but what sucked even more was that I brought a hot chocolate from the vending machine. Half of it was froth and half of it ended up all down me as I ran for the bus (which was early!). I got to the doors and it drove off! The cheek of it :]

So yeah, although today is a rather sad day for me, I also feel happy because I think i've begun to finally sort out that mess in my head, and the voices are calming also. I mean, I heard some today but they weren't as bad...if that makes sense. They didn't tell me to harm...they said everything would be okay...

Lets hope so! :]