[.KillCasino.]

Okay, so I'm fucking more depressed than I've ever been and I was hoping today that things would get better. I woke up this morning, reluctantly got ready. I'd made myself ill last night so this morning I had a migrane and two nose bleeds. I had to time for breakfast, so I got my umbrella and headed out the door. It was chucking it down, my umbrella broke...so I made the half an hour walk to the bus stop getting drenched. Got on the bus, met my friend. A drunk guy sat behind us at 8am...we get off the bus, go into college and then discover that we're locked out of tutor group because our stupid pathetic tutor hasn't shown up yet! He never does. I collapse to the floor, I look like i've been dragged through a hedge backwards.

The bell goes, so I head to Media where I am forced to listen to Millers moaning for two whole hours about how she had to see Twilight last night because 'My Bloody Valentine 3D' was sold out. I was supposed to go but I had no money because my teachers hadn't authorised my EMA because of the stupid new system. Why can't teachers get anything right?! Okay, so then I have a free period next. I go to the Sixth Form art block and sit in my private space alone. A song comes on the radio and whilst two of my friends start dancing around the room, a tear falls down my cheek because its his song. I decide that maybe today isn't going to be the best of days, although I hoped it would be...but oh well, because worse it to come, believe me!

I'd forgotten my dinner and was starving. I would have eaten myself but that would be called cannibalism and its illegal. So anyway, whilst everyone is stuffing their faces, I feel a dull ache in my stomach and remind myself that its for the best. Then its exam time! Yippee! Aha...yeah right. General Studies. Okay, so it was 3 hours long, finished in about an hour. Sat bored for two. I didn't understand the questions, so I gave up (I'm good at giving up) and went into a trance.

Finally the three hours were up, and I knew i'd done awful...but oh well, the exam was over and there was nothing more that could have been done. So anyway, we go to catch the bus. It should come at half past 4 but it's 10mins late. We get on, sit down, Lisa makes me laugh which makes me feel happy for a moment or two...when we go to get off though, the driver doesn't stop. He keeps on driving. We tell him to stop but he ignores us. He goes another 10 or so stops before finally pulling over and letting us off. I was fuming. He treated us like shite and he made my friend cry. I was half tempted to punch him one, but my friend pulled me away. So, we were stranded in the middle of nowhere. It was a half an hour walk back to where we wanted to get off, but my friend managed to get her dad to pick us up.

I'm stressed. I'm cold. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I want to self harm so bad. I want to die. My life couldn't get any worse today if it tried. Now I'm sat here and I can't calm myself down because I'm shaking so badly, I feel dizzy because I need some sugar but I don't want to eat anymore. I want to punish myself. I feel like going back out and taking a slow walk to the bridge. Or the pond. Or those big rocks nearby aha.

I don't think I can take this anymore, and I know no one is going to read this because I'm not important enough, but I really feel low...and I just need someone, anyone to be here for me right now..