[alonealways]

I can't figure out what happened. We used to go on walks just to talk and get everything out there. We went on them several times. After I got back from getting oxygen, when I was sitting there staring at the table while you passed out fliers, while everybody else was just laughing and having fun and I was just sitting in the corner sipping water alone, while I stood there and looked in the distance while everybody else watched movies and played ping-pong, and when I said hello in a weak voice and you knew everything was wrong. We talked about EVERYTHING. You used to ask if I was okay but you'd really know I wasn't. And when I said I was you'd always ask again. And when I said I was sure I was fine, you'd look me in the eyes, pull me aside, and talk to me. You'd care. I'd text you saying I needed help and you'd call me back immediately with a reply.

But now I can't quite understand what went wrong. I look your way and you acknowledge me but it's a smile as if you wished I was okay.. I tell you I'm okay and you press on me like you used to but after one more time you leave it at that. I text you saying I'm not okay and I REALLY need advice and I get ignored. I sit alone at lunch and don't talk to anybody, just stare out into the distance, and you join everybody else in ignoring me.

I get you can't solve all my problems. I get that it feels like I'll never be okay. I just want to know what changed. Are you actually giving up on me? Instead of telling me you don't know what to say you're just ignoring me? Are you finally sick of me like everybody else is? Do you not know what my problem is and you're done hearing it so you leave me sitting there alone? Are you just joining everybody else? Are you acting different because of your friends?

What is going on? What changed?

I know everybody else hates me and nobody else cared about me the way you did... and now you've joined the everybody else and it kills me. I lived this long for you. Because you were everything to me. You were the one who saved my life the first time around. You were the one who was there for me the entire time I was half passed out. And now you're gone. And so am I. Goodbye.