[Insomniacs_Dream]

I hope I don’t have to sent this. It’s barely past 10 AM and I’m writing this, thinking I probably well but hoping I don’t…hoping that you call or come online to talk to me. It’s my birthday. And it’s not really a big deal…birthdays… I mean it’s not a huge thing like it was when I was a kid. But still…I’m 21 today.
And I don’t like the fact that I’m sitting here thinking that I’m not going to hear from my boyfriend. I don’t like that I don’t feel like I can count on that…I don’t like that on Monday night when you promised you’d call yesterday, that I didn’t expect you to. That when I didn’t hear from you…I wasn’t surprised….I’m not mad. Just sad. Hurt. And I want to go back to four months ago. Maybe you saw who I am and realized I’m not what you thought I was. You used to say I was the best thing that ever happened to you and you’d talk about how much you missed me and how the best part of your day was talking to me. We used to talk all the time. Every day. You called every night. We texted before bed. I’m sure you remember.

And now…well now I go days without hearing from you. Now you break pinky promises and you don’t even say happy birthday. Again I’m not mad. I just don’t know what’s going on. I don’t understand what changed. I’m sure you’re busy… but, well… I just feel unimportant. And we’ve been over this and you say you’re sorry and I know you are. It’s not that I feel like you don’t love me… I know you do. And I know you feel bad… but… I feel like you’re apathetic about every lately. Like you’re not really ever truly happy… I want to be the thing that makes you happy again. I want to know what it is I have to do, to be what I was to you last semester. You have no idea how much I love you…how much you mean to me. Or how much I miss not just you but how much I miss making you happy. I just need to know what you need from me, what you want…because I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do to make you happy and make you want me again. I don’t know how to get back to where we were three months ago or even if we ever can. But things change, relationships change and progress and I’m willing to fight for you and for us but I need you to fight too. I need you to decide if you really do want me in your life… because if you don’t….as painful as that might be I guess its better I know now. I think you do, want me in your life because I know you love me. But I need you to…act like it. I need you to call when you say you will. I just want you happy. Does being with me make you happy? Is being with me… a burden on top of everything at West Point? I just need to understand what’s going on in your head…beyond just being busy…why are things different with us?