Thread: Triggering (Substances): Self Medication
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xeno Offline
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Name: Vera
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Location: Colorado

Posts: 10
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Join Date: August 17th 2009
Self Medication - August 22nd 2009, 12:58 PM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't remember that last day that i was completely sober. I've been smoking Marijuana everyday for about 3 months. These past 3 months have been the hardest of my life. I have absolutely nothing to do with my father, I have pushed myself away from my mother, my grandmother died. I've been smoking pot so much because i have no support system in my life. everything just fell through the cracks.

It's like nobody cares what i do anymore or why i do the things i do. I'm coping with the pain of reality by shoving it aside. I know it's not what I "should" do... but what am i supposed to do?

My dad has NEVER been there for me. He has been stoned everyday of my life, all day. My mom lost her job and takes her frustration and stress out on me. My siblings and I have no relationship what-so-ever. The only thing that keeps me going through the day is taking hit after hit. I'm sober most of the day, but i always get high at some point. I used to be afraid of turning into what i am, but this is the only way i make it through the day.

I know I'm addicted. But addiction is easier to deal with then pain and sadness.