[deaadbeaat]

Dear you -- I don't love you. No, that's too strong of a word. love is something I'm not quite ready for; something I'm scared to feel. Love is isn't what I feel at all. But I love your personality and your smile. Is that the same? No. Loving something about you doesn't mean I love you... at least to me. In all honesty, I really, really like you. I really, really adore you. But, it's not love. Not yet.
And I'm terrified that I'll get attached and you won't. That's why I've been pushing lately. I don't want to push you away. So, please, push back for me. Tell me 'Liz, I'm sorry, but I'm not giving up.' because I don't want you to. I'm dying for you to not give up despite my attempts at distance. Eventually, I'll give up and give in to my start of feelings for you. But, do you even feel anything like I do? Do you think about me as much as I think about you? I mean... you're 20 and I'm 15. Obviously, my mother doesn't approve. It's kinda like Romeo and Juliet; in an odd and twisted way. But, I won't let you die if you don't let me. We could make it out alive; unlike them, and it'll be wonderful.
But, I'm terrified of being hurt. You confuse me so much. You like me to be with you and when I'm tired, you'll gladly cuddle with me and let me cling to you. If I tell you I don't want to go home, you'll stay up until two in the morning while I sleep, only to force me to get in your car so I don't get in too much trouble. And then you take the fall for when I get yelled at. You will rub my knee and tell me you're here to please me and will gladly argue over cereal with me. You always text me, and I never initiate it.. I'm rather sorry for that. I promise I'll put an effort into it now. I'll think of some jokes or something to say to start the conversation tonight. Speaking of talking, it's currently five in the afternoon and we have yet to talk. I ignored you last night. I hope you aren't mad. I didn't mean to, but my depression, you know?
And I know you hate liars and you witnessed me lie to my mother that night, but I promise you I have never and will never lie to you. I don't want to ever do it. I'll be straight forward with you. Always.
And you know I'm interested. Otherwise, I wouldn't have kissed you that night as I was getting out of your car at 10:30 a few days ago. You just smiled and told me to text you later. But, you texted me first. And you apologized and said you didn't expect it and was confused now... I don't think I've ever felt so low in a long time. But, it's okay, because I think you like me.. I hope so, at least.
Today, I drew you a picture. A bass with 'J. Fatal' on the side and wings with a halo on it. It's kinda crappy because I drew it in the car coming back from my grandmother's and it was rather bumpy. I don't think I'll show it to you though.. I don't know.

All I DO know is:
I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose you. Please, don't let me go.