[Cookie.prose17]

You can't deny anything. I know the truth.

When I mentioned I had a boyfriend who loved me (recently after we "made up"), when I told you how happy I was, you felt the need to take that personally, instead of congratulating me, or feeling the least bit *happy* for me. Did it even cross your mind? You were so offended by my happiness that you didn't reply.

Then, I decided to trust you and ask for your help, because I had been going through some stuff, lately, and you immediately perked up. You love it when I'm miserable. You really do. I still remember, the day that I left, you snuck up on me just to see me cry. Even after all of that, I wanted to be friends again, because even if you did treat me that way, even after everything, I still wanted to make amends. I'm giving up on you, now. Just like I gave up on high school. There's not much of a difference between the two--they're both highly overrated, and in order to find any peace, I had to leave. Love fades after enough time passes. The words of wisdom that I offered you, that seemed to offend you so much, "I guess that's just a part of growing up, though? Knowing that not every guy you meet is the one, and not every friend you make is forever", was so entirely true. I meant it in the kindest way possible, and I do pride myself in that. These words of wisdom will get me so far in life--further and further away from this past that you keep trying to drag me back to in order to make me feel inferior to you. I'm never going to cling to the past again, and I think you know that. You didn't know how to respond. And now I know why.

In response to my cry for help, you purposefully brought up our old friends, and how much fun you were having without me there. You even said, "I understand going to college and making something of yourself and everything, but what about the whole high school experience? Party-crashing, mall-hopping...and prom!! What about prom?! You can't just notgo to prom!! DUDE!!!!", knowing that the decision was already made. Incredible.

I know you can't stand it when I'm happy, and independent. I know you hate it when I stand up for myself, and my rights. You enjoy feeling like you're bigger than me, and I won't judge you for that, but I will not indulge you. The only reason I did, before, is because I noticed a positive reaction from you, and I was trying to hold onto our friendship. You took advantage of me. I don't need a friend like that. We may have been friends in the past, but if you can't treat me with respect, then don't expect it to happen... I am not your lap dog. Sorry if that offends you.

You all ganged up on me--you jumped on the bandwagon, so shamelessly and easily. You screamed when you saw me coming, and ran away like a coward. Of course you've denied it, but I know what I saw, and it didn't hurt me, at all like you may have hoped. I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed for you, that you would really do anything to get a reaction out of me. Every word I said to you and the others was true, and you knew it, too. Suddenly, you felt small. After you yelled at me, you just expected me to come running back. --No. I stood up to you. I looked you in the eye, and told you, "I think you've said enough". And you backed off after that. Yes--I am capable of standing up for myself. You knew that you were looking into the eyes of "the bigger person". Even after everything I'd done, I decided to be the bigger person. A person who owns up to all of her mistakes, and chooses to move on, and forward. You didn't own up to any of your mistakes--to this day, you're still trying to hurt me by taking my offer to be friends again, and to keep in touch, but then just leading me on, and not replying at all. I'm really not going to humiliate myself further for you, sorry to disappoint. And I don't care if you have moved on, or if I *did* make a fool of myself at your high school. Is holding that against me, is holding everything against me really supposed to make me feel inferior? You're sadistic.

The door has been closed shut, and locked.

I asked you, what kind of monsters were they, why wouldn't they stop doing this to me, why couldn't they just leave me alone, do you even see what they're doing to me, why aren't you making a move to stop them, why are you encouraging them? And you told me that they were sweet, kind, loving people. And when we "made up" months later, when I had changed, and grown up, and even stopped blaming them for everything, I told you how awful I felt about everything and I brought this up. Then, I asked you if they were sweet, kind, loving people, did that mean that I wasn't? I never got an answer from you, but I didn't have to--you think I'm scum. You want to make me believe that I am scum. And because of that, you're not getting any more from me. I don't care *if* you are a "sweet, kind, loving person". You're never that way with me. And I do NOT deserve it. Do you really think, by treating people like this, just because they don't see eye to eye with your friends, is carrying out justice? You are either really naive, or really opportunistic. I was just a token to guarantee and strengthen your friendships. Well, no more. I do not think you are a monster, but I do think that you have hurt me and used me for far too long. I deserve better, and I know I deserve better.

I *do* deserve better than what you've offered me. And there is nothing you can do to make me feel otherwise. This is just over. ...No wonder he left you. The love of your life. I don't know what went down with you two, but maybe you deserved to lose him. Maybe it's karma. You were only using him, after all. You used me, too. We were just boosts to your confidence, and your ravenous ego. He told you he loved you, and he didn't care what kind of person you were. I felt the same, once. During my time away, I realized how much I was worth. You can not take that away from me. Don't look down on me when you don't even know me anymore. At least my ex-boyfriend still loves me.

At least I didn't flirt with every guy that wanted some, like some desperate bitch in heat. What is wrong with you? Ogling and flirting and making out with any guy who wants to...when you had an amazing boyfriend who loved you for you?

All in all, I forgive you. I don't feel any hostility towards you anymore...but I'm just done. I'm leaving. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. You will *not* hinder me anymore. I will honor you as a memory, but that is as much as I will do.

Have a nice life. I know I will.