[eunoia]

Hey there, Miyuki.

It sounds like, no matter what anyone says (that you do or do not have an eating disorder) that you have been struggling a lot lately. I'm no doctor, of course, but it seems pretty clear to me that you have an unhealthy relationship with food and your body image. Does that mean you are living with anorexia? I don't know. A doctor would, though, and I think that maybe you should consider seeing your doctor soon.

What I do know is that it is so, so important to share your feelings with someone, including these. Have you tried talking to your parents about all of this?

If you asked most people, they will tell you that counting calories in a very precise way, as well as restricting your intake, is unusual and unhealthy. Most of the people who tell you otherwise likely have unhealthy relationships with food. Restricting your food intake can be very damaging to your body and leave you dealing with serious, sometimes life-threatening complications. You deserve better than that, Miyuki.

You seem to want out of this, and that is a wonderful step in the right direction. Take that desire to live a safe and healthy life, grab a hold of it and take a risk; reach out for help.