Quote:
Originally Posted by xxEllexx
in some situations the mother is not ready to have a child or does not want a child. if the child is killed as an embryo and therfore obviously not born - it avoids the child having to suffer possible feelings of abandonment and basically not having a family. some people would argue that people who are adopted are the lucky ones - for every person like you there are others who are left in foster care or childrens homes. i know i for one would not want to spend my childhood in a childrens home or jumping from foster care to foster care.
as for your second point, i don't really know where you're coming from with that. as far as i can remember [and no i haven't read back through all my posts] i never said that trauma suffered by the child would make it want to die - although i suppose you raise a good point, in that this could be very possible. i did say that it could suffer long term emotional strain - i definitely believe this to be true. i wasn't adopted and therefore can only go on second hand info, from my friend. but i know that she suffers a lot still with feelings of abandonment and wonders why at times she wasn't just aborted.
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Here's the thing that nonadoptees don't understand, yes there are these feelings - yes it can be rough - I am actually a testament to that if you read through my other threads. All concerning an
identity crises I'm going through. I have even stated before that I have regressed to a point of being frozen solid and utterly afraid and crying while asking "why? why did you leave me?" Thus, that pain is very real - but, it's not enough to truly make someone want to die. You also have to be mindful that we live in many alternate realities, thus what your friend said would be more in tune to REGULAR people saying that they want to die... this is not exclusive to being an adoptee, it's part of the human condition.
Still, take a survey of adoptees and orphans asking them if they'd rather be alive than dead - you would find a striking number saying... ALIVE. I've looked into it while dealing with my crises that every adoptee goes through at some point in their life, books, other adoptees, etc. The urge to find birth parents and fear of rejection from people is very strong - but, they're not any worse than the scars every other person bears. It's not exactly that great being an alien, nor is it bad. It just is and fluctuates. Good days, bad days - we're, overall, normal people.
So coming from someone who LIVES through this, it wouldn't be kinder to have aborted me. You say that to numerous adoptees, you'd find a great number actually disturbed by statements like that... maybe we say things sometimes without knowing how other people may respond because it's not in their lives, but it's not wanting death. It can be misinterpreted by the nonadoptee, believe me - my adoptive parents have no idea of how I feel... whenever I say something negative about it, they feel my life is torn apart and ruined - then I have to remind them that despite that I still like the life I have and wouldn't trade it up for anything.
So, in effect, you can't really understand it just through hearing it. You have to live it.
Believe whatever you want about the girl, but as the child - I find your thoughts to be really off... just as off as that earlier poster who said they thought I'd be better off dead without realizing what they said.
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The bigmole, no that comment was not directed towards you. I forgot about you. That comment was towards the person who stated earlier, and others who think like that, "I simply don't want to give birth and would opt for abortion because I don't want to waste time with that, I'd rather follow my career"... that shows very little of selfsacricing which truly needs to be at the heart of a parent rather than selfserving which comments like that show in abundance. So rest assured, that was not you.
As for your second point, doesn't need to be brought up. I think what I think, you think what you think. Stronger connection was brought back up when a poster stated specifically adoption for which their experience is only second-hand and it's my life, thus naturally I am a lot more connected to it than the poster.