Hi Faith
I may not know very well how you are feeling, but I do know how it feels to "don't want to live to see if you may find happiness". You said you needed out, there must be a way, but to find that way, you have to fight to stay on the path first. It might be hard to find, or may seem so impossible, but don't give up. Everything is up to you, you can make the right choice. If we ar not born to be happy, we have to believe that we can create it by ourselves. Move forward with Faith (though it's also hard to find)
Sorry if I can't help much.