[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I feel really awful. Been crying daily. My mom is pissing me off on purpose and ive had like 5 meltdowns just this week because of her. She knows about it but doesnt care. I tried to communicate with her about it but she refuses to give a shit. She only "cares" about my physical health so that she doesnt get in any problems with my doctor.
I dont have any friends in real life because i struggle with socializing due to my autism. I have internet friends instead. Sometimes We send pictures/videos of our self harm to each other. My friends' cuts are more severe than mine and i feel like mine arent enough and it makes me feel bad. Im buying aedited tomorrow to go deeper
Ive been watching a lot of gore lately. Its nothing too severe i guess but still fucks me up. I dont know why i do that. I guess my interest in crime scene photography could be a part of the reasons but i think theres more to it than that.
I really want to kill myself. Everytime i have the urge to attempt i close my eyes and imagine myself edited. I always cry a little but at least it reduces the urge. It makes me really sad because i dont actually want to die its the environment making me feel this way. I want to live and have fun like other people at my age.
I also really want to kill other people but i dont want to go into depths with this just wanted to mention it.

I dont know what my intention with this post is i just needed to talk about it for once. Before you mention getting a therapist, i cant. Not only am i broke but my parents dont care about my mental health. I told my mom about being depressed but she didnt give a fuck. Told her i get bullied but not to tell my dad because i knew he would yell at me and she fucking did. I hate her. I dont trust her anymore. She treats me like shit. I know she doesnt like me but i wish she was at least better at hiding that. I got much more to say but im too tired for that now.[/size]