hi, i can really relate to this. When i was cutting (im clean now but having many compulsive thoughts) i was doing it for pleasure. It was just fun for me and nobody could understand how im hurting myself deeper and deeper because of curiousity. I didnt want to stop it but the thing that decided of me stoping was that i couldnt look at my family being hurt because of that. I did that mostly for them, not for myself. Now I see that when im even slightly sad or mad or depressed im instantly thinking about self harming myself. Thats how i realised that i wasnt having it under control. That i thought im doing it for fun but in fact it controled me and i was manipulated by my own addiction. Now im looking differently about it and I think it might change perspective for some people. Write me private if you want to talk about it more cause i think we might get eachother
