[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

You didn't bother us and your post makes perfect sense to me!

I'm sorry your parents aren't safe people to open up to. Mine weren't either when I was growing up and I get how frustrating and isolating that can be. Is there another family member you can talk to, like an aunt, uncle, or cousin, who won't judge you?

Does your school have a guidance counselor? It's not the same as a therapist but you may be able to get a little support that way. They do have to tell your parents if they think you're at risk of harming yourself or others, just as a heads up, but they might have some suggestions on how you can gain some of your motivation back and also improve as a person. If not maybe you can talk to a trusted teacher.

My therapist is having me write down at least one thing that went well that day, a good thing of the day. She specified that it doesn't have to be a major thing either. It could be something small like eating your favorite meal. It's just something that helps remind you that sometimes nice things do happen.

I know you said you have poor reading skills but it seems like your reading and writing skills are pretty good. Do you think you could use writing as a form of self expression just to get everything out? It doesn't have to be perfectly written. Maybe you can also try doing some form of art, listening to/making music, or trying out cooking or baking.

You said walking in the park is your only form of exercise that you like. Maybe you can try something else, but slowly. It does take time to build new habits. I try to do jumping jacks every day, for example. There's also exercise videos on YouTube that you can follow so maybe you'll find something fun.

Do you think your parents would allow you to join some sort of after school club or volunteering opportunity just to stay out of the house a little longer?

I'm sorry if this doesn't help, but I'm rooting for you!

Take care,
Dez